7 March 2004: Practising Kindness

The Buddhist Hour Radio Broadcast Archives

Buddhist Hour
Radio Broadcast on Hillside 88.0 FM
Broadcast 319 for Sunday 7 March 2004

This script is entitled: Practising Kindness

When asked to define his religion, the Dalai Lama is reported to have said: “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness” and “There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.”

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't harm them.

How can we develop 'kindness' towards other beings?

It is often thought that 'kindness' for another person can be developed by giving them something, for example, money, the use of our car, flowers, a film ticket, or a paid holiday.

For many intelligent persons unable to adjust to rapid change, we teach a sure method for calming their minds; we teach the practice of loving kindness.

The practice of loving kindness (metta) was taught by Lord Buddha. When metta practice is well developed, it should be given to all beings, just as an upturned water jar gives water in all directions without bias.

On 1 February 2004, during the Buddhist hour, we outlined The Code of Conduct for Members and Students of the Chan Academy Australia, Buddhist Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd. as recommended by our Founder, Master John D. Hughes.

This Code of Conduct is comprised of 12 items to be incorporated into our daily practice as Buddha dhamma practitioners, and reviewed regularly. The 12 items are as follows:

Practice and develop morality.
Practice and develop generosity.
Practice kindness, in the Pali language metta.
Practice and develop refuge in the Triple Gem.
Practice and develop Buddhist meditation
Practice and develop merit making.
Develop your scholarship.
Whenever you take food or liquid, do "Five Reflections on Food".
Support Buddhist Organisations locally, nationally and internationally.
Practice and develop our five styles of friendliness, cultural adaptability, professionalism, scholarship, and practicality.
Plan to become debtless.
Write a life plan.

Be careful what you wish for, it will come true.

Our Members and students successfully live their lives according to Buddha Dhamma by following the above recommendations. Their lives improve and they become happier.

This week, we are exploring the third item in our Code of Conduct – the practice of metta (loving kindness).

It is not the function of the Dhamma to merely suggest that an increase in raw, undisciplined, undirected, lawless "pretend" compassion (karuna) or loving-kindness (metta) is "all you need", as one of the earlier mass marketed pop groups sang.

To explain, consider the participation of a person in a public demonstration against, for example, the recent conflict in Iraq, who treats with disdain or even abuses a homeless person standing in the way of his or her so-called “good works”. This person’s actions are not motivated by real compassion or love, but rather more by a self-centred need to appear to be “doing something”, to appear to others to be “compassionate”. This is not it. In contrast, some in the name of their cause for so-called “peace”. This is not it either.

In an earlier broadcast, we played a CD from Venerable Mahinda of Aloka Meditation Center in New South Wales, Australia. Venerable Mahinda advocates the practice of metta meditation as the antidote to anger, and teaches that we should all practice sending metta, or loving kindness, before we go to sleep each night.

At first, it will be difficult to send loving kindness to our enemies, and so we sit quietly in meditation, and then start to send love to those people who are close to us, gradually widening the circle to include those more distant. If we cannot at first send loving-kindness to those against whom we bear grudges, or we feel have harmed us, then we can leave them for a later date. If we try to force ourselves to send loving-kindness to someone toward whom we harbour negative feelings, then we may send them only negative thoughts and feelings. Remember, “if you can't help them, at least don't harm them.”

Later, when we become more accomplished in the meditation, and our metta becomes stronger, we may also begin to see that any negative feelings we hold toward others are our own responsibility, not the fault of an external being, and exist solely in our own minds. Then we can really start to develop the heart, establishing ourselves more and more firmly on the path to happiness.

The Tevijja Sutta Buddha explains that those who develop loving-kindness (metta), compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity in all the quarters of their hearts are on the path for the Divine Abodes, or for union with Brahma.

The Kesamutil Sutta, the Pali text of which is located in the Tika-nipata of Anguttara Nikaya, says:

"This disciple of the Noble Ones, Kalamas, being thus free from covetousness, free from ill-will, free from delusion, with clear understanding and mindfulness lives, having pervaded one quarter with a mind possessed of loving-kindness and in the same way a second, a third, and a fourth. Thus he lives having pervaded the entire world, above, below, across, everywhere without exception, with a mind possessed of loving-kindness that is extensive, lofty, unlimited, free from enmity, and free from pain ... with a mind possessed of compassion ... with a mind possessed of sympathetic joy ... he lives having pervaded one quarter with a mind possessed of equanimity and in this same way a second, a third, and a fourth quarter. Thus he lives having pervaded the entire world, above, below, across, everywhere without exception, with a mind possessed of equanimity that is extensive, lofty, unlimited, free from enmity, and free from pain.”

According to the Anguttara Nikaya 11:16, there are eleven blessings that arise from the practice of metta.

“Monks, when universal love leading to liberation of mind is ardently practiced, developed, unrelentingly resorted to, used as one’s vehicle, made the foundation of one’s life, fully established, well consolidated and perfected, then these eleven blessings may be expected. What eleven?

One sleeps happily; one wakes happily; one does not suffer bad dreams; one is dear to human beings; one is dear to non-human beings; the gods protect one; no fire or poison or weapon harms one; one’s mind gets quickly concentrated; the expression of one’s face is serene; one dies unperturbed; and even if one fails to attain higher states, one will at least reach the state of the Brahma world.

Monks, when universal love leading to liberation of mind is ardently practiced, developed, unrelentingly resorted to, used as one’s vehicle, made the foundation of one’s life, fully established, well consolidated and perfected, then these eleven blessings may be expected.”

Right understanding of realities will help us most of all to have more loving kindness and compassion towards others instead of dosa (illwill).

In doing kind deeds to others we cannot eradicate the latent tendency toward dosa, but at least at those moments we do not accumulate more dosa. The Buddha exhorted people to cultivate loving kindness (metta). One should have thought of love for all living beings, without discrimination.

It is not appropriate to have illwill towards any being. Replace illwill with compassion, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy or equanimity.

Many peoples were converted to Buddhism not by the sword or financial power, but by the peaceful message of maitri or metta (loving kindness) and karuna (compassion). To borrow the current terminology, it may be said that in India was born a religion of export quality which could appeal to people in any region with any cultural and ethnic background. This is no mean contribution of Buddhism to world culture.

UNESCO was founded for the specific purpose of promoting world peace. The pre-amble to its constitution says:

“Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed”. Here men, of course, means both men and women (Hewage, 1999).

“According to the Buddha, war and peace too begin in the minds of men. Therefore most of his teachings, if not all, are directed towards understanding, developing and controlling the mind, eventually leading to perfect purity of conduct, perfect peace of mind, and perfect wisdom.

“Metta, or loving kindness, is only one such method prescribed by the Buddha for the purpose of this mind culture (Hewage, 1999).”

In our daily lives we are engaged in a range of ‘busy’ activities. When we are less busy we may try to get whatever deep concentration we can reach. At other times when we meet with people or animals, we can mentally have thoughts of metta. These thoughts of metta, even though they may be only thoughts for a start, are very important.

People disagree even on the most insignificant things. Many strained relations and enmity can be dissolved if we can just forgive and overlook the past and start anew. Some people harbour pet grudges for many years. They may be reluctant to let them go. Sometimes the person someone is angry towards died many years ago, so there is no longer even any living person to be angry at. Where is the wisdom in that?

Metta creates a mental atmosphere conducive to goodwill, and can give rise to good speech and actions that follow.

Besides the mental action, metta must also be expressed in words or other forms of communication with others. Speak gently, with kindness, truthfulness and for the benefit of others. These are elements of right speech.

Actions of metta are actions such as lending help materially or spiritually, giving medical and nursing attention to the elderly or kindness for animals, courtesy, hospitality, and so on.

In families and offices where metta is demonstrated frequently, it becomes a house or dwelling that is truly happy.

Are you nervous about starting a new job? Are you experiencing strained relationships in your workplace? Try sending metta to your workplace and all those in it ahead of you as you set out for work, so that you will walk into a field of metta when you arrive.

One thing to bear in mind is that according to the situation the other brahma vihara may play a part. These are compassion when there are people suffering and sympathetic joy for those doing very well. And when things are beyond our control, we should reflect on kamma to attain equanimity.

These three are complementary in bringing about more stable and appropriate relationships. Even to the same person, it may be appropriate to use one or another at a different time.

As for what will be suitable for the best outcome, we would have to exercise wisdom. So exercising metta with wisdom is also important, otherwise, we may produce results opposite to our expectations. As the saying goes, "The way to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Our late Teacher, Master John D. Hughes, often used the example of a heroin addict who approaches us asking for money to buy drugs. If we have kindness without wisdom, we may oblige his request, in effect bringing harm to the recipient and forging negative kamma for ourselves.

So metta without wisdom may also land us with countless problems, such as people trying to take advantage of us.

How should we use metta?

The Sigalovada Sutta gives a code of discipline for lay Buddha dhamma practitioners for behaviour in their human relationships.

The duties of a parent towards a child are to:

I. restrain him from evil
II. support him in doing good
III. teach him some skills
IV. find him a suitable wife
V. hand over his inheritance

The duties of a child toward his or her parents are to:

I. support them after having being supported by them
II. perform their duties for them
III. keep up family tradition
IV. act worthy of his or her heritage, and
V. after their deaths, distribute gifts on their behalf

Clearly the loving kindness relationship between them involves responsibility and gratefulness. Normally metta and compassion do arise spontaneously in parents but gratitude has to be learned by the child. If the morality of parents is in question then the child would suffer.

The duties of a husband towards his wife are:

I. honouring her
II. not disparaging her
III. being not unfaithful
IV. giving her authority
V. providing her with adornments

The duties of a wife towards her husband are:

I. properly organising her work
II. tending to servants
III. not being unfaithful
IV. protecting what he brings for her
V. being skilful and diligent in the discharge of her duties

The metta relationship here hinges on trust and faithfulness. As you may expect, the Indian ladies in the time of the Buddha were often considered more as maids. The Buddhist clause of handing over authority to her demonstrates that her position was more than that. The other aspects of good wives – the motherly, sisterly or friendly aspects – show the favourable relationship the Buddhist looks for.

A friend is duty-bound to:

I. buy gifts
II. have kind words
III. look after one's welfare
IV. treat one as they would treat themselves
V. keep their word

Companions should:
I. look after one when one is inattentive
II. look after one's property when one is inattentive
III. be a refuge to one when one is afraid
IV. not desert one when one is in trouble
V. show concern for one's children

The metta relationship here involves sincere care and protection for each other, with mutual self-respect playing an obvious part.

As to the role the other virtues play in the workings of metta, these can be seen in the Karaniya Metta Sutta, or the discourse on loving-kindness.

This is a particular teaching which the Buddha gave to a group of monks whose practice was being disturbed by unseen beings.

It is known as the Karaniya Metta Sutta, and we would like to read it for you now:

We would now like to read to you the Karaniya Metta Sutta, The Discourse on Loving-kindness, translated from the Pali by Piyadassi Thera.

“While the Buddha was staying at Savatthi, a band of monks, having received subjects of meditation from the master, proceeded to a forest to spend the rainy season (vassana). The tree deities inhabiting this forest were worried by their arrival, as they had to descend from tree abodes and dwell on the ground. They hoped, however, the monks would leave soon; but finding that the monks would stay the vassana period of three months, harassed them in diverse ways, during the night with the intention of scaring them away.

Living under such conditions being impossible, the monks went to the Master and informed him of their difficulties. Thereon the Buddha instructed them in the Metta sutta and advised their return equipped with this sutta for their protection. The monks went back to the forest, and practicing the instruction conveyed, permeated the whole atmosphere with their radiant thoughts of metta or loving-kindness. The deities so affected by this power of love, henceforth allowed them to meditate in peace.

The discourse gets divided into two parts. The first details the standard of moral conduct required by one who wishes to attain Purity and Peace, and the second the method of practice of metta.

"He who is skilled in (working out his own) well being, and who wishes to attain that state of Calm (Nibbana) should act thus: he should be dexterous, upright, exceedingly upright, obedient, gentle, and humble.

”Contented, easily supportable, with but few responsibilities, of simple livelihood, controlled in the senses, prudent, courteous, and not hanker after association with families.

"Let him not perform the slightest wrong for which wise men may rebuke him. (Let him think:) 'May all beings be happy and safe. May they have happy minds.'

"Whatever living beings there may be -- feeble or strong (or the seekers and the attained) long, stout, or of medium size, short, small, large, those seen or those unseen, those dwelling far or near, those who are born as well as those yet to be born -- may all beings have happy minds. "Let him not deceive another nor despise anyone anywhere. In anger or ill will let him not wish another ill. "Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life even so let one cultivate a boundless love towards all beings. "Let him radiate boundless love towards the entire world -- above, below, and across -- unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.

"Standing, walking, sitting or reclining, as long as he is awake, let him develop this mindfulness. This, they say, is 'Noble Living' here.

"Not falling into wrong views -- being virtuous, endowed with insight, lust in the senses discarded -- verily never again will he return to conceive in a womb."

If you have milk and you churn the milk, the rich stuff is the
cream that comes to the top. Similarly, if you take all the Buddha's teachings and churn them, the richness that comes to the top is the kind heart.

May all beings, in the ten directions, seen and unseen, receive blessings from this script.

We thank the Devas and Devatas of Learning for their help in and guidance with the writing of this script.

May you develop the good heart.

May you be well and happy.

May all beings be well and happy.

This script was written and edited by Leanne Eames, Evelin Halls and Pennie White.

References

http://ucla.youngbuddhists.org/library/metta/metta7.html, accessed 5/3/2004

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/dalai_lama.html, accessed 4/3/2003

http://www.buddhanet.net/metta05.htm, accessed 6/3/2004

http://www.thubtenchodron.org/GradualPathToEnlightenment/ LR_Bc_14Apr93.pdf, accessed 6/5/2004

From Buddhist Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd. LAN 1 ISYS Text Retrieval system, search term "kindness".

St Valentine’s Day and the Elusive Quest for Love, Knox FM Radio Broadcast on 13 February 2000

Hewage, Prof. L.G. (1999) “Metta (Loving Kindness - The Buddhist Approach)”, Siri Jayanti Youth Section, Kuala Lumpur, citied in The Buddhist Hour, Radio Broadcast Script 268, Sunday 16 March 2003

Buddhist Hour, Radio Broadcast on Hillside 88.0 FM
Broadcast 30

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